I really feel like a Jody slave right now. I sit here and wait on my next task to be given to be by mi mister and nothing else seems to matter. Meanwhile the fury is building and building and building. Does he really even see me as a person or am I like the crutch that he calls and whatever he wants he gets. Here it is a holiday and first thing he does is go work on his project. As he does every other day that he is off from his reg govt job. I mean I was in the mindset before that he was just doing it all the time so that he could get it done and then not worry about it. Now its starting to fester in the gray matter that even after its done he will still come up with things to keep between he us. Jesus is this all in my mind. I just need to go and get help.
If I sit in this house and stare at the walls and wait for someone to want to be out and having fun with me I think I may start to scream. Fuck it all really. Single life was so much less complicated and fun.